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On occasion, Jay Spring is convinced he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his grandiose moments often turn “highly unrealistic”, he states. You’re riding high and you tell yourself, ‘The world will recognize that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are often succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his actions, rendering him particularly vulnerable to disapproval from those around him. He began to think he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors on the internet – and was later evaluated by a clinician. However, he questions he would have accepted the diagnosis unless he had already reached that conclusion on his own. When someone suggests to somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – particularly if they experience beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve built up. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder

While people have been labelled as narcissists for more than a century, it’s not always clear what is meant by the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, adding the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people conceal it, due to significant negative perception linked to the condition. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to seek admiration through things like displaying material goods,” the expert explains. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Although up to 75% of people identified as having NPD are males, research suggests this figure does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that female narcissism is typically appears in the less obvious variety, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, as with everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders co-occur.

First-Hand Experiences

It’s hard for me with dealing with feedback and not being accepted,” she says, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I often enter defence mode or I withdraw entirely.” Even with this reaction – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her close relationships, as she strives not to return into the harmful behaviour of her earlier years. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she states. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her partner “operate with an understanding where I told him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if my words are controlling, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have healthy examples during development. “I’ve been learning continuously which behaviors are and is not appropriate to say during a fight because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were criticizing me during my childhood.”

Origins of Narcissistic Traits

Conditions like NPD tend to be connected with early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” says a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “connected with that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he states, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old says when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve good grades and professional advancement, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “acceptable.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships were successful. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he admits. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of experiencing genuine affection, until he met his current partner of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, similar to his experience, has difficulty with mood stability. She is “really understanding of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

After a visit to his general practitioner, John was referred to a clinical psychologist for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been put forward for talking therapy through national services (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been shown to help NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the treatment delay for a year and a half: The estimate was it is expected around early next year.”

John has only told a few individuals about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, in his own mind, he has accepted it. The awareness assists me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he comments. All of the people have accepted their narcissism and are seeking help for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the disorder. But the growth of NPD content creators and the development of digital groups indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number